"Why is it So Hard to Just Say No?"

Just Say No. It’s Okay to Say No.

Just Say Yes, to Saying No.

No is a Complete Sentence. So, why “The Blowoff?”

“In the early 1980’s Robert Cox and David Cantor created a slogan while working as advertising executives in New York, with Needham, Harper & Steers. This simple but effective slogan was derived from a substance abuse prevention program in the 1970’s by Social Psychology Professor Richard I. Evans at The University of Houston. While you may not be familiar with those names, “Just Say No” became an iconic catchphrase across the globe, after First Lady Nancy Reagan spoke the three powerful words at an elementary school in 1984. A student inquired as to what she should say, if a peer were to offer her drugs? “Just Say No.”

As part of the social inoculation model, Professor Evans taught and professed what was based in part from theory, which explains how an attitude or belief can be a shield against persuasion or influence. The same theory can become another tool in our arsenal to counterattack against peer pressures, status quo (yuck) and internal and external social, or behavioral influences.

Mrs. Reagan’s backed her words with a statement; “If you can save just one child, it's worth it.”

At Shift To Change, Our Intention has always been the same. Our Mission has always been the same. It is our Mission Statement: "To Encourage, Lift, Support, Inspire, Motivate, Teach, Open, Help, Guide, Bring a Smile To, or Evoke: One Human Spirit at a Time.”

Unfortunately, "Ghosting" has become a term, a thing or for some, an acceptable behavior.

Why has it become so hard for some to “Just Say No?” We are not referring to the war on drugs. We are referring to the war on fear. So, what are they scared of?

A friend asked another friend if he and his wife would like to attend a concert. “Well, let me ask _________, and I will let you know.” The friend never hears back from his friend, so he asks him again. “Oh yeah, I forgot.” He retorts. “I had already asked _________ about the show and I forgot. Let me make sure she doesn’t have anything planned for that night. I’ll let you know.” Again, no response.

A former colleague reaches out to another colleague, who had reached out to him, to have a conversation about a potential role with his present employer. The prospect receives a callback and is excited. Less than ten minutes into the call, the potential employer suddenly announces “Hey, I have to grab this. I’ll call you back.” I’m going to give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count, as to whether the prospect ever received a call back from the potential employer. Loud and Clear: “The Blowoff.” The prospect waited a few days, and then after week had elapsed, left a voicemail and sends an email to his former colleague. Again, “The Blowoff.”

Why? The answers are almost unlimited. We cannot read minds. What we can read, is behavior. This downward trend in lack of communication, and more specifically, the apathy behind not interacting, is confusing. It is not as easy as one may think to gift a pair of tickets to a show. Especially when the show is fast approaching.  So why not just call and say no? Or even take the easy way out and send a text. Give a reason, don’t give a reason, tell the truth or just simply…. Say No. No is a complete sentence. No is the truth and is based in integrity. No is enough and does not warrant any further explanations. Let them know so that they can make plans, or move on.

Let me ask you a couple questions: With both of these examples, the aforementioned parties had at least three opportunities and options to say no, either directly or indirectly and chose not to. Why? On a phone call, in an email or in a text message, a simple “I don’t have anything for you,” would have sufficed. “My wife and I really don’t like that genre of Music. We really appreciate the offer but we will decline the offer” would have been enough. Or a simple “No.” Why would these individuals act in such a manner? Why has “The Blowoff” become the universal term for “If you don’t hear back from them, it means no?” It’s possible the behavior is a reflection of how they have been treated or worse yet, a copy-cat behavior.

In both of the aforementioned examples, the two parties had literally known each other for years.

So, why "The Blowoff"?

”The Blowoff” is an action based in fear….

So, what are they scared of? Again, we cannot read minds but we have interviewed individuals, who were brave, honest and transparent enough to admit they had acted in such a manner, on more than one occasion. The answers? “Oh, well, I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.” “I just assumed if they didn’t hear back from me…” “I figured that they would have figured” Blah, Blah, Blah….

Indifference, delay, postponement and procrastination (amongst the many excuses for not following up) are just more examples of the many cleverly disguised tributaries of fear.

One of the most extreme examples of fear we have identified, over the course of interactions with the Human Condition, related to communication between Humans, can be summed up in once sentence; “If I really tell them how I feel, they won’t like me and therefore reject me.”

Maybe individuals who won’t say no, just don’t know how to say no, politely. They forget that they are not personally rejecting the person, they are simply declining a proposal from that person.

Neither one of the earlier mentioned recipients who got “The Blowoff” felt offended nor took it personally because they have learned to live with ZERO expectations. They just wanted a yes or a no, so that they could move on. But that may not always be the case. If saying no saves one relationship, it's worth it.

“The Blowoff” is unfinished business, an unclosed circle and can leave individuals feeling confused, bewildered, angry, resentful and yes, even offended. I just timed myself speaking the word "no". It took a whopping .35 of a second to speak it and an enormous 1.5 seconds to text “No, thank you.”

Just Say Yes, to Saying No.

No is a Complete Sentence.

It’s Okay to Say No.

Just Say No.

--Bart Andrew Kudlicki 6/24/24